The Pharisee and the Tax Collector
"For all that is in the world—the lust of the flesh and the lust of the eyes and the boastful pride of life—is not from the Father, but is from the world." — 1 John 2:16 (NKJV)
Recently I shared a post that said: “If being hurt by the church causes you to lose faith in God, then your faith was in people, not God.” Some speculated about the source of the quote, but it's a good one. It stepped on some toes, of course, and the interaction on the post motivated me to write this blog.
The phrase "church hurt" has become increasingly common in Christian conversations. And to be fair, people really do get hurt in churches. Churches are made up of sinners, and sometimes those sinners behave in hypocritical, selfish, unkind, and even abusive ways. Pastors fail, church members disappoint, and sometimes those who should demonstrate Christlikeness are the very ones who fail to do so.
We should never excuse sin simply because it happens inside a church.
However, another side of this conversation deserves our attention. While we are busy identifying the sins of those who hurt us, have we stopped to examine what is happening in our own hearts?
There is a difference between leaving an unhealthy congregation and abandoning Christian fellowship altogether. And when someone else's sin becomes our justification for forsaking the gathering of God's people, we need to ask ourselves an uncomfortable question: Has their sin become an excuse for my own?
John gives us three categories in 1 John 2:16 that can help us examine our hearts.
1. The Lust of the Flesh: When Feelings Become Our Authority
Sometimes we allow our feelings to become the determining factor in our obedience to God. We want fellowship without friction, relationships without disappointment, and a church experience where nobody challenges, offends, or inconveniences us.
When someone hurts our feelings, we withdraw. When someone disappoints us, we distance ourselves. When conflict arises, we decide that staying away is easier than pursuing biblical reconciliation (forgiveness and repentance).
But Scripture calls us to something different.
Ephesians 4:32 commands us to be kind, tenderhearted, and forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave us.
Our feelings are real, but they are not our authority. God's Word is. We cannot allow personal offense to become a higher priority than obedience to Christ. This includes preferences contrary to Scripture in worship (i.e., styles, order, etc.), but we will save that for another blog post.
2. The Lust of the Eyes: When We Become Obsessed with Everyone Else's Sin
It is remarkably easy to see others' failures while overlooking our own.
We remember what someone said, how someone treated us, how a pastor failed, or how a church member behaved hypocritically. We replay those experiences until they become the lens through which we view the entire church.
Jesus addressed this very problem in Matthew 7:3–5 when He spoke about the person who notices the speck in his brother's eye while ignoring the plank in his own.
This is not a command to ignore sin or abandon discernment. It commands us to examine ourselves before becoming consumed with correcting everyone else.
Have we become so focused (seeing) on what others have done wrong that we have stopped examining our own spiritual condition? We can become so focused on what others are—or aren’t—doing that, without knowing the full context or seeing things for what they truly are, we let their actions determine our path.
3. The Pride of Life: When We Believe We Are Better Than Those Who Hurt Us
Perhaps this is the most dangerous temptation of all.
We begin to believe that we are somehow better than the people who disappointed us. We tell ourselves that we would never behave that way, that we are more sincere, more loving, or more spiritually mature.
Before long, our disappointment turns into self-righteousness. We become unwilling to forgive, reconcile, and acknowledge that we, too, are sinners in need of grace.
Remember the parable of the Pharisee and the tax collector in Luke 18:9–14. The Pharisee stood before God recounting the sins he believed separated him from other men. The tax collector, however, recognized his own unworthiness and cried out for mercy.
The question is not whether other people have sinned against us. They have. The question is whether we have become so consumed with their failures that we have forgotten our own need for God's mercy.
We let things like tradition, the doctrines of men, and the doctrines of demons take precedence over the Lord’s commands, all while steeped in pride over those things.
Christ Did Not Establish His Church for Perfect People
The church is not a gathering of people who have achieved sinless perfection. It is a gathering of redeemed sinners who are being sanctified by the grace of God.
The New Testament churches had problems. Corinth struggled with division, immorality, and pride. The churches in Revelation received serious rebukes from Christ Himself. Yet Christ did not abandon His church. He called His people to repentance, correction, faithfulness, and obedience.
That does not mean we should tolerate abuse, false teaching, or unrepentant sin. Legitimate reasons exist to leave a particular congregation. But leaving an unhealthy church should never become an excuse to abandon the fellowship God commands us to pursue. There is no such thing in this fallen world as a perfect church in the physical sense, just a community of believers who are not perfect, but forgiven.
Hebrews 10:24–25 reminds us not to forsake assembling together, but to encourage one another in the faith.
We need the church, and the church needs us.
A Final Question: Whose Sin Is Keeping You Away?
Perhaps someone else's sin is the reason you walked away from a particular congregation. Perhaps you were genuinely mistreated, disappointed, or betrayed. I am not asking you to pretend it never happened, nor am I suggesting that wrongdoing should go unaddressed.
But I am asking you to examine your own heart.
Their hypocrisy does not justify your bitterness. Their pride does not justify your pride. Their unforgiveness does not justify your unforgiveness. And their disobedience does not give you permission to live in disobedience.
The church does not belong to the pastor, the deacons, or the people who may have hurt you. It belongs to Jesus Christ.
Before you point to the sins that drove you away, take an honest look at the sins that may be keeping you away.
You cannot condemn others' sin while using their sin to justify your own.
The answer to church hurt is not to abandon the body of Christ, but to pursue Christlikeness within it. That means repentance, forgiveness, accountability, reconciliation where possible, and a renewed commitment to biblical fellowship.
We are all sinners saved by grace. We all need Christ's forgiveness, and we all need the encouragement, correction, accountability, and fellowship of His people.
Don't let someone else's failure become your excuse for forsaking what Christ has commanded.
"And let us consider one another in order to stir up love and good works, not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as is the manner of some, but exhorting one another, and so much the more as you see the Day approaching." — Hebrews 10:24–25 (NKJV)
